4 Things I Learned at 25
Everyday is a chance to reflect on your life, but there are two dates in particular that really force that introspection. The first is new years day and the second is your birthday. Both of these serve (for better or worse) as a measuring stick and a useful yearly check in with yourself. Having just turned 26 I thought I would share a few of the things I have learned in the last year. I hope some of these thoughts / realizations resonate with you or at least light a little spark for your next personal discovery.
1: Habits Guide Your Life
A symptom of my youth was that I used to take any given day for granted. I would dismiss the normal as mundane and look forward to the next big thing I had going for me. Trips around the world, running my first half marathon, these were the things that drove me and everything else was just in the way of getting there.
This past year through the pandemic the proverbial rug was pulled out from under me and I was forced to realize that we as people become what we do everyday. The habits and discipline we instill in ourselves slowly but surely become the invisible hand that guides us. This could be a great thing, or this could be crippling. It all comes down to identifying what you want / need and who you want to be. Then setting up the systems to achieve it. As you develop any habit you begin to build rapport with yourself. That you are someone who does that thing. It could be working out, reading, meditating, saving money, you name it. Slowly you begin to have confidence in yourself and momentum starts to take over.
I have found that momentum is one of the most powerful things in life. Staying in motion and busy, constantly pushing yourself breeds more opportunity and more success. One habit I developed while still in New York City during quarantine was running daily. Everyday I would lace the shoes up and run 1, 2 or even 3+ miles. It was definitely uncomfortable at first. Like it wasn't the person actually logging those miles. Showing up day in and day out though set a new narrative for myself. I wasn't just someone who runs....I was becoming a runner. Someone who held himself accountable to logging those miles on the pavement. It allowed momentum to build and translated positively into many aspects of my life. You do not have to wait for a birthday or a new year. Pick something and start today. If you fall off the wagon you must forgive yourself and start again. You are only a quitter if you stop for good.
2: Invest in Yourself
There are two aspects to this lesson. The first relates to financially investing for your future. The Automatic Millionaire by David Bach introduced me to the concept of "paying yourself first". Automating the process of taking a certain amount of your income and regularly allocating it to your rainy day fund or investment portfolio. The trick here is the automated aspect. You do not want to have to actively transfer the money yourself as it creates a friction point where it may not get done. In 2021 it is easier than ever to either have a part of your paycheck automatically contribute to a 401(k) or to have your bank account automatically transfer money to some other investment vehicle. Investing early and often is the key to being financially successful. It allows your money to work through multiple economic cycles and reap the rewards of compound interest. I will leave it at that for now as I plan to dive into this topic in a future post.
The second aspect of this lesson is investing in the mind and body. 25 was the first year of my life that if I did not warm up correctly during a workout I would actually get hurt. Hurting my back lifting and injuring my calf muscle from poor running form were hard lessons to learn. The body can breakdown quickly if you do not take care of it. The solution I have found for this is really focusing on my warm up as well as taking the appropriate steps to recover. Warming up the body by doing the weight lifting motion with less weight, or a slow walk / jog before running allows everything to get nice and loose and ready to move. Not to mention it gets your heart rate up and your mind ready for the task at hand. Post workout I have dedicated more time to stretching and placed more of an emphasis on a consistent bed time. Sleep is the ultimate recovery session and should never be taken lightly. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my sleep and could literally pass out anywhere!
For training the mind I have found reading to be a powerful resource that is often neglected by most people. Both fiction and non-fiction, whatever helps you think beyond your life and the day to day tasks that it is comprised of. Reading allows you to connect with people who have been gone for decades or even centuries. People from all over the globe with perspectives you have never heard. Mentors you may never meet. Books are a bridge that connect generations and sitting down with a good book is one of the best ways to unwind after a day of work. Some of the books I have read and loved are provided below.
- Cerce by Madeline Miller
- There There by Tommy Orange
- Unfuck Yourself by Gary John Bishop
- Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins
3. Reality is What You Make It:
One of the most powerful things I have recently started to realize is that what you feel, see and hear is not actually real (bare with me I will try to explain). The emotions you feel and your perception largely come down to how you are interpreting the outside world. The story you tell yourself is your reality, for better or worse. Sometimes these narratives manifest themselves without us even realizing. Next thing you know you are sticking to this story because you have convinced yourself that it's yours! But the beauty of this life is that you can take a step back and change that narrative. Without casting judgment on yourself, take stock of how you are feeling at any given moment. What part of the body is that feeling manifesting in? Or does it manifest in your surrounding environment? Whatever it is, allow yourself to feel it without judgement. In my experience, sitting with that feeling free of judgment expedites the process of that same feeling leaving the body.
I would be lying if I said this was easy. One of the biggest mistakes I made over the past year is forcing myself to believe a specific narrative about myself that I clung onto for dear life. I force fed myself the idea about who I was and what was right. It was only until I was metaphorically hit on my head that I saw how wrong my original thoughts were about this. This has caused a tremendous amount of feelings over the last 4-6 weeks. Anger and resentment at myself, a sense of mourning for what I had lost and may never get back. I have had to let myself feel all these feelings without the added pain of judging myself. It is easy to dip into the negative self talk but the truth is I did not know any better. I shaped my reality in a way that left me a little close minded. These emotions needed to work their way through my system and I have found that slowly but surely the stress (sadness, anger, anxiety) have given way to feelings of hopefulness. Hopefulness that I can make up for lost time and define a new path. One that I am starting to realize I should have seen a lot sooner.
Be careful of the stories you tell yourself. Not all will be a negative experience like what I described above, but you slowly start to tie your identity to them as if they are the single truth. Once you acknowledge the stories you tell yourself, you have the power to determine if they are right for you.
4: The Power of Human Connection
I must have been no older than 10 when my uncles Mike passed away. My experience up until then with funerals was largely just sitting in a car and seeing a procession go by on the road. I would count the cars as they passed with their emergency lights on. These processions usually had about 10-12 cars in them before regular traffic filled back in.
My uncles funeral was very different. The procession was so long that the first cars arrived at the cemetery before the last cars had left the church. Never in my life (and still to this day) had I seen so many people mourn the death of someone. It left such an impression on me when I was young, but slowly slipped to the back of my mind as I grew older, went to college and entered the working world.
It took me until my early adult life and watching friends leave my life and the loss family members to realize how powerful of an impact my uncle Mike had on people. To create such strong bonds through his life. Every person who knew him had a story that almost seemed too good or crazy to be true. Here was a man who understood the power of every every single connection he could make.
The pandemic forced me to realize that I had been taking my friendships for granted. That relationships need to be nurtured and fed to continue to grow and thrive. I have had to relearn how to cultivate friendship. Picking up the phone and calling long lost friends. Even something as simple as leaving a comment on an instagram post can have a massive impact on someones day. Next thing you know you are having a full blown conversation and learn that they to were also thinking about you and wanted to reach out. Make the effort to maintain the friendships you have in life.
IN CONCLUSION: I hope you enjoyed the read and that some of these lessons got you thinking!
